First of all, who the hell am I to be posting words of wisdom? I have no idea, but people seem to dig them and they've helped me a lot in my life so hopefully they'll help someone else, too.
Regret
I always like to remind people that regret is useless because there's no way of knowing how things would have turned out. You might think sunshine and rainbows and unicorns would show up if a certain situation had been different but there's... no way of knowing. That situation might have been better but it might have led you down a path of much, much worse things.
I could be mad about my mom dying when I was 2. I could pretend things would be sunshine and daffodils but that's not reality. Reality is that her and my dad would have probably gotten a divorce eventually (according to my dad they had many different views on life) and since it would have been the 80s, I would have gone with my mom and not had the wonderful relationship with my dad that I developed because of her absence. My dad is who shaped who I am today so if she had survived, I'd be a totally different person and I don't like that thought bc I love who I am.
So you can believe that holding on to the familiar is best because it's warm and fuzzy, like having a mom, but it's not always the best for you. Warm and fuzzy doesn't make strong, well-rounded people.
I could be mad about my mom dying when I was 2. I could pretend things would be sunshine and daffodils but that's not reality. Reality is that her and my dad would have probably gotten a divorce eventually (according to my dad they had many different views on life) and since it would have been the 80s, I would have gone with my mom and not had the wonderful relationship with my dad that I developed because of her absence. My dad is who shaped who I am today so if she had survived, I'd be a totally different person and I don't like that thought bc I love who I am.
So you can believe that holding on to the familiar is best because it's warm and fuzzy, like having a mom, but it's not always the best for you. Warm and fuzzy doesn't make strong, well-rounded people.
Self Image & First Impressions
Simply: People will believe about you what YOU believe about you. You know yourself better than anyone else does and if you don't think you're worth anything, why should anyone else? Conversely, if you have confidence in who you are, people will assume there must be a reason for this. There are a lot of really great people out there who have shitty self-images and consequently they end up missing out on a lot of friends because people don't give them the time of day and they don't give them the time of day because the person emits an aura of "I'm nothing special".
On the other hand, there are people out there who are loved by everyone who first meets them because they're charismatic, outgoing, confident, etc. Then they get to know the person and realize they're full of shit, so clearly what you believe of yourself doesn't maintain people's view of you but it's the difference between getting a chance to shine and never getting your switch flipped.
Dealing with Life
This is my main motto for life and it serves me well on a daily basis: You can either control a situation or you can't. If you can, do it. If you can't, stop worrying about it.
Now, I'm not saying you're not allowed to be emotionally affected because if you deny yourself that, you're just plain in denial. Feel hurt, feel confused, feel abandoned and lost and ignored and tormented. Feel everything, understand why you feel that way, understand what you can of the situation and move on. If you spend a minute worrying about something you have no control over, it's a minute wasted.
Communication
I can't think of a single thing on earth that is more important between two people than good communication, regardless of their relationship with each other. While at work one day, my buddy, Kevin, was talking to his then girlfriend on the phone and summed up communication perfectly: If you don't say what you mean, you don't get what you want.
I now say this phrase weekly, at least. So many people play games with their words and rarely do their words match their desires. Miscommunication is rarely malicious but it has unwanted consequences nonetheless. If I ask you something, I want the truth. I do not want you to tell me whatever it is you think I want to hear.
This is my main motto for life and it serves me well on a daily basis: You can either control a situation or you can't. If you can, do it. If you can't, stop worrying about it.
Now, I'm not saying you're not allowed to be emotionally affected because if you deny yourself that, you're just plain in denial. Feel hurt, feel confused, feel abandoned and lost and ignored and tormented. Feel everything, understand why you feel that way, understand what you can of the situation and move on. If you spend a minute worrying about something you have no control over, it's a minute wasted.
Communication
I can't think of a single thing on earth that is more important between two people than good communication, regardless of their relationship with each other. While at work one day, my buddy, Kevin, was talking to his then girlfriend on the phone and summed up communication perfectly: If you don't say what you mean, you don't get what you want.
I now say this phrase weekly, at least. So many people play games with their words and rarely do their words match their desires. Miscommunication is rarely malicious but it has unwanted consequences nonetheless. If I ask you something, I want the truth. I do not want you to tell me whatever it is you think I want to hear.
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