I feel fine...

Actually I feel more than fine :) Autumn always gives me this giddy energy that I can't recreate no matter how I try. It's the kind of inspiring feeling that makes me nostalgic and I'd guess that's probably because the changing leaves, crisp air, Halloween on the horizon and beautiful storm clouds always just a breath away were what I missed the most about home when I went to college and what I think of when I remember home.

I'm not really home...yet...but it reminds me of how close I am. Close enough to smell it. I go through my life and I realize how much I've done in the last 11 years. I feel successful because I have so many stories to tell and that makes me feel like I've really lived my life. I may not always be responsible and I may not have the savings I should have or the house and husband but what I do have is a story about repoing cars in one of the most dangerous areas of LA. I have a stories about strippers, drugs and massages. I have stories I made on the East coast, stories I made on the West coast, stories I made in the Southwest and stories I made in the Midwest. Some stories are hilarious, some degrading, some sad and some heartwarming.

All those stories, all those mistakes, all those milestones...they've all combined to make me feel satisfyingly accomplished. They make me feel like the only thing I haven't done is go home.

Immortality

An article on my favorite website makes very valid points about how much immortality would suck...eventually. Here's the short list:

5) Evolution would turn you into a freak
4) No one could find out or you'd likely be locked up as a case study
3) Your MIND is still aging
2) Time speeds up until you're insane
1) You'll Eventually Get Trapped Somewhere (Forever)

While these things are largely unavoidable because, well, when you live forever, nothing is really avoidable, I think there are ways to make the best of the situation. While I was walking around the server cage today, I think I came up with a way to get the most out of immortality: NASA.

Don't ask me what the hell I was doing that would cause me to be thinking about immortality while I was checking for server problems because I couldn't tell you anyway.

But really, think about it. You spend your time studying with NASA - learning physics, biology, engineering and pretty much every other god damn thing. You'd have to have a decent mental capacity, but whatever you lack in that department is helped by the fact that you have NOTHING BUT TIME. So after you are the smartest god damn person at NASA, knowing a combination of everyone's jobs, you set off for space. Deep space. After all the time it took you to learn everything, technology would have advanced greatly and also, you know everything about rocket science so you probably have come up with some sweet ideas on your own to solve that "we don't have enough fuel on Earth to pack into a bloody space ship so it can reach deep space" thing. Hell, you can probably take raw materials and build a nuclear reactor. And while you're traveling up, out and away, you can string along some communications equipment so you can still talk to Earth. Also so you don't miss Big Brother 487.

So let's take this one by one:

5) You're in deep space...you're already a freak. Anything you run into is going to think you're a freak. But best of all, it's a fucking freak, too. Yeah, Earthlings are evolving and if you ever do return home it's entirely possible the human race will be different but you'll be RETRO and retro is always in style.

4) Well, you'd have to tell NASA but I'm sure they would be able to hide your secret. Every 40yrs they throw you a retirement party and hire a "new" guy which is you with a spiffy new identity. Or they just never put you on the roster to begin with.

3) This is a bummer but since you'll be focused on your task at hand, you should be able to stave off the ill effects of having 150yrs of memories and counting.

2) This will actually work in your favor in a vast, empty and possibly desolate space since everything is going to look the same and you're not going to be able to see a sunrise/sunset.

1) This is the ultimate bummer but hopefully you'll only be trapped in your spacecraft. Hell, technically if you're immortal, you shouldn't NEED a spacecraft...but without one you would need a REALLY BIG fannypack to carry all your supplies in. Which leads me to this point...

...Space could possibly be the only solution to immortality. It all depends on how you define "immortality". In some iterations the person's body is immune to damage - walking through flames unscathed. In others their body can be killed but it remains animated. But what if you have NO OXYGEN? All the scenarios of immortality that have been portrayed in cinema or in books, to my knowledge, have only addressed immortality in humans ON EARTH. Or on another planet or place made for human life. Our bodies need oxygen...but yet we need to eat to metabolize and many immortal beings didn't need to eat. *shrug* We're going to have to get some solid rules on this.

Regardless of whether the vacuum of space can be the final solution to immortality or not, if you're immortal, I think you should really take one for the team and launch out there. We'll give you a ship, tons of radio equipment and HOPE. Fly, my immortal friend. Fly.

Signs, signs, everywhere the signs...

I'm not huge on astrology but I occasionally run across things and read because I'm open to the idea that it ("it" pertaining mostly to the part that talks about your sign and personality, not the horoscope part) might have scientific basis we just haven't discovered yet. As I get older the description of my sign becomes more and more accurate. Of course, this begs the question "Am I getting more like it because I subconsciously remember what it says or is it because I was really building to this the whole time?". I honestly don't think I could subconsciously coordinate my life events and lessons around an astrological reading I don't fully remember, but hey, that's just as possible as my personality being pre-determined by the alignment of the stars at my birth, right?

My birthday is Oct 20 so I'm a Libra on the Scorpio cusp. Pretty much every word of this is true...

Libra/Scorpio
October 19 to October 23

Libra is the seventh sign of the zodiac; Scorpio is the eighth. After Libra's intellectual exploration of other people, Scorpio's interest is in discovering other people's emotions and how they respond to the world around them. Scorpio is the sign of sex and death, the beginning and ending, and they explore these ideas from an emotional standpoint. Libra/Scorpios strive to create balance and harmony between self and other through investigation and probing. They are often strongly intuitive and penetrating. They have a need to be liked.

The astrological symbol of Libra is the Scales. Like the scales of justice, Librans are objective and just. They abhor unfairness and conflict, striving above all for peace. Librans are able to see all sides of an argument, but as their mental scales sway back and forth, they may never find balance. The astrological symbol of Scorpio is the Scorpion. Like the mythical scorpion, those born under this sign tend to be strong-willed and wary of being controlled by others. In keeping with Libra's cardinal quality, Libra/Scorpios are diplomatic and cooperative; they are skilled at initiating group projects. They can be stubborn, refusing to give up when others have long since become bored and abandoned a project. 

Libra is ruled by the planet Venus. In ancient Roman mythology, Venus (and her Greek equivalent, Aphrodite) was the goddess of love, beauty and pleasure. She represented joy, happiness and appreciation of beautiful things. Scorpio is ruled by the planets Mars and Pluto. In ancient Roman mythology, Mars (and his Greek equivalent, Ares) was the god of war, and ancient astrologers assigned both Aries and Scorpio to this planet. Pluto (and his Greek equivalent, Hades) was the god of the underworld, and when the planet Pluto was discovered early in the 20th century, astrologers assigned Scorpio to it.

Libra/Scorpios are seductive and attractive, commanding and intense. Cultural awareness and a talkative nature help them shine in the social situations they so enjoy. The element associated with Libra is Air. The element associated with Scorpio is Water. Libra/Scorpios are skilled at communication and abstract reasoning, and their intelligence combines with their interest in others to become an intellectual exploration of those around them. They may repress their emotions, but underneath they are lusty and perceptive. Libra/Scorpios are loyal, but they are often misunderstood and may be seen as dictatorial or sarcastic. If they have an ulterior motive, they can be overbearing, but in a subtle, sly or manipulative way.

Words of Wisdom

First of all, who the hell am I to be posting words of wisdom? I have no idea, but people seem to dig them and they've helped me a lot in my life so hopefully they'll help someone else, too.

 

Regret

I always like to remind people that regret is useless because there's no way of knowing how things would have turned out. You might think sunshine and rainbows and unicorns would show up if a certain situation had been different but there's... no way of knowing. That situation might have been better but it might have led you down a path of much, much worse things.

I could be mad about my mom dying when I was 2. I could pretend things would be sunshine and daffodils but that's not reality. Reality is that her and my dad would have probably gotten a divorce eventually (according to my dad they had many different views on life) and since it would have been the 80s, I would have gone with my mom and not had the wonderful relationship with my dad that I developed because of her absence. My dad is who shaped who I am today so if she had survived, I'd be a totally different person and I don't like that thought bc I love who I am.

So you can believe that holding on to the familiar is best because it's warm and fuzzy, like having a mom, but it's not always the best for you. Warm and fuzzy doesn't make strong, well-rounded people.

Self Image & First Impressions

Simply: People will believe about you what YOU believe about you. You know yourself better than anyone else does and if you don't think you're worth anything, why should anyone else? Conversely, if you have confidence in who you are, people will assume there must be a reason for this. There are a lot of really great people out there who have shitty self-images and consequently they end up missing out on a lot of friends because people don't give them the time of day and they don't give them the time of day because the person emits an aura of "I'm nothing special".

On the other hand, there are people out there who are loved by everyone who first meets them because they're charismatic, outgoing, confident, etc. Then they get to know the person and realize they're full of shit, so clearly what you believe of yourself doesn't maintain people's view of you but it's the difference between getting a chance to shine and never getting your switch flipped.

Dealing with Life

This is my main motto for life and it serves me well on a daily basis: You can either control a situation or you can't. If you can, do it. If you can't, stop worrying about it.

Now, I'm not saying you're not allowed to be emotionally affected because if you deny yourself that, you're just plain in denial. Feel hurt, feel confused, feel abandoned and lost and ignored and tormented. Feel everything, understand why you feel that way, understand what you can of the situation and move on. If you spend a minute worrying about something you have no control over, it's a minute wasted.

Communication

I can't think of a single thing on earth that is more important between two people than good communication, regardless of their relationship with each other. While at work one day, my buddy, Kevin, was talking to his then girlfriend on the phone and summed up communication perfectly: If you don't say what you mean, you don't get what you want.

I now say this phrase weekly, at least. So many people play games with their words and rarely do their words match their desires. Miscommunication is rarely malicious but it has unwanted consequences nonetheless. If I ask you something, I want the truth. I do not want you to tell me whatever it is you think I want to hear.

Revive the Radio!

I.Despise.Radio.

I despise radio because it's worthless or rather because it used to be ENTERTAINING and now is not used to it's full potential. In the early days of the 20th century and through WWII, the radio was THE thing to have. For many during the Great Depression, it was their only lifeline to sanity. Music began to be spirited and free, just as we did the same and not only did the radio provide these swingin' tunes, but it also brought amazingly popular comedy shows, dramatic story readings and music LIVE from a little studio. You could hear actors portray thrilling tales of mystery and intrigue, followed by an hour of silly stories with funny sound effects made from pots, washboards and sheets of metal. In between shows, commercials were read live by live people.

I guess what I'm saying is that back in the day, radio had PEOPLE...and LIFE. Radio now is what you listen to in the car to find out where crashes are, drone out the sounds of passing cars and be inundated with ridiculous and repetitive commercials for things no one cares about (I'm talking to YOU, ShaneCo).

I would LOVE, love, love to resurrect the old fashioned radio shows. Live actors, live musicians, creativity. I think we could all use a little more life and creativity as opposed to stale repetition.

So it begins!

I used to maintain a blog on MySpace. Mostly it just irritated people because I was a whiny bitch and have a habit of rambling *gasp* I know...it's shocking. Given my penchant for superfluous verbiage, there was an almost comfort in the limited character length of status messages once I moved to Facebook. Sure, there are the "Notes" on Facebook but really, who uses those? I'll post up one of those surveys (to which I can easily become addicted) but always saved my opinions and updates for status messages. I think this was a learning experience for me, teaching me how to choose my words carefully in order to convey the same message but in 420 characters instead of 42,000.

Now I'm going to go ahead and undo that with a blog.

Actually, I'm hoping to retain a little more class than my previous blog had. We'll see how long that lasts.