This makes me even more angry because I like these songs and the stupid lyrics are easily avoidable.
Bruno Mars, "Should of known you was trouble from the first kiss, had your eyes wide open. Why were they open?"
First, I have a problem with the logistics of this statement. How the hell do you know she was kissing with her eyes open if you didn't have your eyes open too? Was there a group of people watching you? Maybe. I'll let that go.
My main problem is that this statement is lazy and repetitive. When I listen to this song, because I do like it, I say "...had your eyes wide open. Who fucking does that?" It's different, sticks to the idea and I like saying fuck.
Black Eyed Peas, namely Fergie "I was born to get wild! That's my style! If you didn't know that, Well, baby, now you know now".
First of all, that statement is just plain dumb. The statement adds nothing to the song. It's fluff and not the good kind of fluff certain actors get from runaways and aspiring actresses. Just because you're BEP and you're awesome doesn't mean you can just drop the fucking ball. If you've run out of ideas, just stop making albums. You have enough money to retire.
Secondly, "now you know now". Who wrote this? A 5 year old? Redundancy, party of 4, your table is ready. You already indicated that this event, which does not need to be stated in the first place, is happening now. "Just lettin' you know, now let's all go get down" would have been lame but acceptable. It wouldn't have made my fucking ears bleed. That wasn't hard, was it?
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Seriously????
I try to make a reservation for Travelodge in Terra Haute. The site is down and it's the cheapest. I wait and wait and wait. Finally it comes back up, I click through, put all my info in, submit and it can't process it because the site is undergoing maintenance. You could have told me that prior to filling out my shit.
I wait. Hours later I fill it out all over again and am now greeted by a page simply telling me it has no fucking idea what I want.
I call the hotel's direct number and am told I have to call the main office to put in reservations. I do. The idiot I reach takes all my information and PUTS ME ON HOLD TO CALL THE HOTEL AND MAKE A RESERVATION because they are "upgrading their system".
In the middle of the day? No you aren't. You updated last night, completely fucked it up and are now trying to fix it. Whatever...call them.
After 4.5mins of Pachelbel's Canon in D minor he gets on the phone "I'm sorry Miss....Watson but the hotel is experiencing system issues, as are we here at the main office, so they could not take your reservation."
What? How the fuck could they "not take [my] reservation"? Do they not have a pen and a piece of fucking paper? Can they not write my fucking name on a god damn post-it note and stick it to the door of a non-smoking room with two beds? You know hotels predate computers, right? I'm fairly certain THIS hotel predates computers or at least the days when computers made their entrance into every business. You make me sick.
I wait. Hours later I fill it out all over again and am now greeted by a page simply telling me it has no fucking idea what I want.
I call the hotel's direct number and am told I have to call the main office to put in reservations. I do. The idiot I reach takes all my information and PUTS ME ON HOLD TO CALL THE HOTEL AND MAKE A RESERVATION because they are "upgrading their system".
In the middle of the day? No you aren't. You updated last night, completely fucked it up and are now trying to fix it. Whatever...call them.
After 4.5mins of Pachelbel's Canon in D minor he gets on the phone "I'm sorry Miss....Watson but the hotel is experiencing system issues, as are we here at the main office, so they could not take your reservation."
What? How the fuck could they "not take [my] reservation"? Do they not have a pen and a piece of fucking paper? Can they not write my fucking name on a god damn post-it note and stick it to the door of a non-smoking room with two beds? You know hotels predate computers, right? I'm fairly certain THIS hotel predates computers or at least the days when computers made their entrance into every business. You make me sick.
Pictured here: Indecipherable ancient communication
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
You know it's serious when I don't use a single swear word.
I question things a lot. Mostly myself...my motivations...my feelings. I'm fascinated by why people do what they do and I want all the data possible. It's how I managed to be so in tune with people's feelings. One reason at least. But since I don't really have people to "research" on a continual basis, I do it to myself. In many cases this has been an amazing blessing; carrying me through the most emotionally trying times of my life. It's allowed me to understand and deal with my feelings by only giving them the weight they deserve.
But other times, it's the proverbial curse to my blessing. The roughest time of my life to date ended around August 09 when I had gathered all the pieces and my broken heart finally began to mend. And not only did it begin to mend, it was like a light switched on and all of a sudden the path I couldn't find, the path to freedom and happiness, was there in front of me. I don't remember what day that was but I remember the day I knew that feeling was there to stay. And stay it has.
Over a year later I begin to question that so-called freedom and I wonder if maybe my heart never really mended but rather that I may have taken all the pieces, put them in a heart-shaped box and pretended that was the real thing, hiding the truth even from myself. My wondering started when I began thinking about dating again but the idea just isn't interesting. The only reason I've been thinking about it is because I have less than a year until I turn 30 and it's been, for all intents and purposes, over 7 years since I've been in a real, full-on relationship. I don't want to continue not caring and wake up one day and it's all too late.
But no matter how much I fear that, I still can't get myself to care about finding someone. That's when I started to doubt this sunshiny, flowery path and began to think that maybe I've concocted false happiness and contentment out of fear of being hurt again. Am I just keeping people at a distance? Consciously I am lonely and want nothing more than to have someone, but I'm uninterested in looking. I think about it and I think about what selection of men there will be, I immediately find these imaginary representations of men all inadequate. That's when I realize that I feel like I'll never find someone that perfect for me ever again and that causes me to ponder the possibility that I never found happiness; I only fabricated it.
This is a puzzle only I can solve and I think only time will give me the answers I need. In the mean time I've decided, because I find all the men in my mind to be inadequate, I should improve my body so it matches my self-image and maybe it will pull in someone I deem worthy...because I don't see my self-image lowering any time soon.
Why blog this? I don't know. I guess I just needed to tell someone.
But other times, it's the proverbial curse to my blessing. The roughest time of my life to date ended around August 09 when I had gathered all the pieces and my broken heart finally began to mend. And not only did it begin to mend, it was like a light switched on and all of a sudden the path I couldn't find, the path to freedom and happiness, was there in front of me. I don't remember what day that was but I remember the day I knew that feeling was there to stay. And stay it has.
Over a year later I begin to question that so-called freedom and I wonder if maybe my heart never really mended but rather that I may have taken all the pieces, put them in a heart-shaped box and pretended that was the real thing, hiding the truth even from myself. My wondering started when I began thinking about dating again but the idea just isn't interesting. The only reason I've been thinking about it is because I have less than a year until I turn 30 and it's been, for all intents and purposes, over 7 years since I've been in a real, full-on relationship. I don't want to continue not caring and wake up one day and it's all too late.
But no matter how much I fear that, I still can't get myself to care about finding someone. That's when I started to doubt this sunshiny, flowery path and began to think that maybe I've concocted false happiness and contentment out of fear of being hurt again. Am I just keeping people at a distance? Consciously I am lonely and want nothing more than to have someone, but I'm uninterested in looking. I think about it and I think about what selection of men there will be, I immediately find these imaginary representations of men all inadequate. That's when I realize that I feel like I'll never find someone that perfect for me ever again and that causes me to ponder the possibility that I never found happiness; I only fabricated it.
This is a puzzle only I can solve and I think only time will give me the answers I need. In the mean time I've decided, because I find all the men in my mind to be inadequate, I should improve my body so it matches my self-image and maybe it will pull in someone I deem worthy...because I don't see my self-image lowering any time soon.
Why blog this? I don't know. I guess I just needed to tell someone.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
"Listen close, I will not repeat myself"
This is an exchange over a friend's link posting. I've included his original post.
For those of you who have heard my webcam story, Robert was the guy who threw the "party"
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Robert
For those of you who have heard my webcam story, Robert was the guy who threw the "party"
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Robert
www.azcentral.com
High court again asked to rule on 'In God We Trust', WASHINGTON - California attorney and dedicated atheist Michael Newdow is making another run at ''In God We Trust,'' with a new Supreme Court petition challenging the national motto.
- Emily WatsonThe separation of church & state is a major part of this country's identity & is its key to true individual freedom but Christianity still has a heavy, and in the eyes of many an unwelcome, hand in government. I do not trust in any god, let alone a Christian god and while I'm not bothered by the phrase appearing on money, it is a move that I feel needs to be made if we ever hope to honor the Constitution & fully sever church from state.
Freedom of religion includes freedom from it.
You don't need "In God we trust" on your money to maintain your faith and it's unfair to Americans who don't subscribe to monotheism to have the government salute it. At the same time, there's no loss of faith by removing it. It doesn't mean people believe any less it just means we believe in the Constitution & equality more than we used to which is good.
2 hours ago - DeanThere is a big differance between freedom OF religion and freedom FROM religion. The constitution grants us freedom of religion and a seperation of church and state. For those of you that are to stupid to know the true meening of those list...en close, I will not repeat myself.
Freedom of religion. As American citizens we are free to warship the God of our choice, or none at all.
Seperation of church and state. Congreess may pass no laws restricting ones freedom of religion.
In God we trust on our money, 10 commandments in courthouses, nativity scenes and other such in NO WAY violate either.
You have a right to offend me with your views, you also have a right to be offended by mine.
48 minutes ago ·
- Emily WatsonI disagree but this is an interpretation issue. I see the endorsement of monotheism on our money and in our courthouses as a violation of the separation of church and state. While the First Amendment states simply "Congress shall make no law respecting the establishment of religion nor prohibiting the free exercise thereof" the meaning of "establishment of religion" can be applied to the money/court issue by suggesting that the "In God We Trust" motto (and therefore our government who put it there) endorses monotheistic religions.
I also feel that "freedom of religion" and "freedom from religion" are almost the same when it comes to this topic. I believe you might have misinterpreted my definition of "freedom from religion" though. What I mean is not that I should be shielded from any type of religion (an unrealistic idea and unfair to believers to expect them to worship in hiding), but rather that my government and everything that comes down to me from it should be free of religious imagery, endorsement or obligation.
I'm sorry if you're offended by my views but I cannot afford you the same courtesy. I understand that there is no right or wrong answer here and therefore I am not offended by views that differ from my own. Since this is a matter that has no definitive right or wrong answer, the proper way to handle it is to appeal to the court system to make that decision by weighing its validity based on interpretation of the Constitution, as interpretation of the law is the Judicial branch's entire purpose. Whichever side loses the final battle needs to understand that the system worked as intended, whether they like it or not.
I'm also sorry that you felt it necessary to not only resort to personal insults in your response but that you felt so strongly about needing to insult that you stuck it in the first paragraph. There's a certain irony to you calling me stupid (you can pretend you didn't mean me but you were retorting to no other) in a response laden with spelling errors on words we learned in 4th grade. Perhaps in future you will give your argument validity by not resorting to insults and instead present your case with respect, as I did mine.
7 minutes ago
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
I had a bad dream...or was it good? I can't tell
I had a dream that I went to sleep on Jan 13, 2011 and woke up on Jan 14, 2001 in the hospital after my car accident. I had complete knowledge of the "missing" ten years and no idea why I was back in 2001.
Most people would be ecstatic at the possibility of improving their lives by not making the same mistakes they made the first time around but things aren't so simple for me. I have a strict "No regret" policy because I know that even if a certain bad situation was magically turned to good, it doesn't mean I end up better. Maybe I end up worse, maybe it doesn't matter so it's just best to be happy things went the way they did.
This made me utterly terrified.
This is basically what happened when I "woke up" in the dream and realized where/when I was:
Since I've already learned all the lessons from my mistakes and retained that knowledge, does that mean it's ok to try another course of action? Since I still have the memories of the good times I had with some of my favorite people, times that were over before I woke up, is it ok to skip them this time and try something new? But how would that change their lives? I started to miss the people I technically hadn't met yet and some who had yet to be born.
Then I thought outside my world and realized I could stop 9/11...or I could let it happen and make sure I had proof of who was behind it...or both. I could change the world as I knew it.
But would it be better or worse?
I was terrified to do anything, to make any decisions or, god save me, speak to anyone. At any second, my "boyfriend" would walk into the room all happy to see me. I remember the abuse and the drugs and the manipulation and having to fly from PA to AZ at the drop of a hat to help axe his meth binge. But he doesn't because it hasn't happened yet. How can I possibly go with him to Phoenix and LIVE there? I tried to remember when Miriam left for Europe, a trip she invited me on and I turned down bc psycho bf begged me not to leave him. If she hasn't left yet, could that be my first change? I know I had her camera in the glovebox during the accident and I know Jared took pics with it while I slept so she's in town, right? So maybe I can go.
That's a pretty big change. Maybe start by joining a gym and keeping this weight off. I looked down at myself and I was still slim. That's good at least. Right? I don't even fucking know. I don't want to move or breathe or see. But I have no choice. I certainly don't intend to endure his torture again. After 10 yrs I was still not fully over it so I certainly can't deal with it again.
Fuck! What do I do?! I'm rambling and panicking. I don't even know how to get a hold of Miriam. I sure as fuck don't remember her number and I sure as shit don't have an iPhone 4 to find it. She would be the only one who would believe me and I wouldn't even attempt to tell anyone else. I'm also in a hospital in fucking Blythe, CA in the middle of the fucking desert that I flipped the damn car in so any perceived mental illness on my part will warrant more testing on their part, assuming I was injured. Maybe I was. Maybe I'm supposed to get more thoroughly tested and find something they didn't find the first time.
Now I'm just being silly. Right? I can't go through my whole life questioning every move and its impact on my future. Technically my entire future-past disappeared the second I woke up. Right? I wish I knew why I was here or at least whether I was supposed to change anything or not. Or if I'm supposed to go global with my change or stick to my own life.
Ask and ye shall receive.
My pants on the table signal a new text message. I hop up and start towards my pants when it hits me: that's my iPhone. My iPhone that hasn't been invented yet. *pinch* Still here. I turn around, use my voice, manipulate random objects within my reach; it all seems real. I sift through my blood-stained clothes and grab my phone.
How.The.Fuck?
The text is from Miriam. Future Miriam? This discovery has completely, 100%, fucked my whole world up. And seeing as how I just woke up10yrs in the past, fucking my whole world up after that discovery takes a shitload of talent. But in the last 10mins there were really only two plausible explanations for my trip back in time: 1) I never lived all that and it was just a vivid dream from the accident. Maybe it's not even Jan 14, 2001. Maybe I've been in a coma. 2) Time has been erased, everyone's gone back but not everyone knows. Or maybe they do? I'll have to leave the hospital to find out. Unfortunately, neither of these explanations left room for the possibility that I traveled with a technological companion. WTF is this? Quantum Leap? At keast this tells me my visit was orchestrated but what the fuck happens if someone sees this?! #1 priority, never let anyone find this.
Suddenly I feel hunted. Like at any moment a pack of beagles will come charging down the hallway and into my room cornering me until their well-dressed, mounted masters trot in to serve me my sentence.
But for what offense?
And for the love of god, who is my phone plan through? Do I pay a bill? WTF? Why am I thinking about my phone bill when the phone has 9yrs before it gets fucking INVENTED. Also, I'm back in FUCKING TIME; there are bigger fish to fry than my cell phone bill. Yet some part of me is actually concerned about logistics as if worrying about the existence of my unlimited data package is going to help me figure out why I'm here. If the 2011 I knew still exists, am I there? Am I getting the same calls? If I call someone do I call 2011 or 2001? I have to sit down. I haven't even looked at what Miriam's text says. It would probably help me answer some of those questions but I'm not sure I'm ready to look.
Then it happens.
Jared comes hopping in the doorway, just as I remember he used to do. From what he's saying it seems as though it's just the same as last time - no coma. It's just Jan 14, 2011. I want to vomit. The butterflies are too much. Jared didn't ask me any questions but every move I make both asks and answers all at once but I don't know what the question is or if I answered correctly. I begin to pass out but shake myself out of it. The last thing I need is more attention.
If I'm going to make it, I need to learn to keep it together. The first time I went through this the accident barely phased me. Sure, my head is swollen to the size of a watermelon and in 2 days my eyes will be swollen shut but it wasn't a big deal because I was alive. Now I have no idea what I am.
Fuck...Am I alive?
Jared is talking to me but I can't for the life..or whatever...of me stand looking at him. The idea that I might not actually be alive is sounding plausible. Did I really just say that? Technically I've been returned to the most carefree point in my life. In 2 days I become an EarthLink employee and will be for another 3 gloriously odd years. Is this my heaven? Really? Nah. Right? Couldn't be. Could it? I need to find some sort of way to organize my thoughts. First, stop thinking.
And then I wake up. No wonder I felt off all damn day.
It unfortunately left me with a million questions I didn't even need to answer. My past is solid and I'm happy with where I am so that should be that...right? But perhaps looking at this scenario might help me better understand my future. I might just try to continue the story.
Most people would be ecstatic at the possibility of improving their lives by not making the same mistakes they made the first time around but things aren't so simple for me. I have a strict "No regret" policy because I know that even if a certain bad situation was magically turned to good, it doesn't mean I end up better. Maybe I end up worse, maybe it doesn't matter so it's just best to be happy things went the way they did.
This made me utterly terrified.
This is basically what happened when I "woke up" in the dream and realized where/when I was:
Since I've already learned all the lessons from my mistakes and retained that knowledge, does that mean it's ok to try another course of action? Since I still have the memories of the good times I had with some of my favorite people, times that were over before I woke up, is it ok to skip them this time and try something new? But how would that change their lives? I started to miss the people I technically hadn't met yet and some who had yet to be born.
Then I thought outside my world and realized I could stop 9/11...or I could let it happen and make sure I had proof of who was behind it...or both. I could change the world as I knew it.
But would it be better or worse?
I was terrified to do anything, to make any decisions or, god save me, speak to anyone. At any second, my "boyfriend" would walk into the room all happy to see me. I remember the abuse and the drugs and the manipulation and having to fly from PA to AZ at the drop of a hat to help axe his meth binge. But he doesn't because it hasn't happened yet. How can I possibly go with him to Phoenix and LIVE there? I tried to remember when Miriam left for Europe, a trip she invited me on and I turned down bc psycho bf begged me not to leave him. If she hasn't left yet, could that be my first change? I know I had her camera in the glovebox during the accident and I know Jared took pics with it while I slept so she's in town, right? So maybe I can go.
That's a pretty big change. Maybe start by joining a gym and keeping this weight off. I looked down at myself and I was still slim. That's good at least. Right? I don't even fucking know. I don't want to move or breathe or see. But I have no choice. I certainly don't intend to endure his torture again. After 10 yrs I was still not fully over it so I certainly can't deal with it again.
Fuck! What do I do?! I'm rambling and panicking. I don't even know how to get a hold of Miriam. I sure as fuck don't remember her number and I sure as shit don't have an iPhone 4 to find it. She would be the only one who would believe me and I wouldn't even attempt to tell anyone else. I'm also in a hospital in fucking Blythe, CA in the middle of the fucking desert that I flipped the damn car in so any perceived mental illness on my part will warrant more testing on their part, assuming I was injured. Maybe I was. Maybe I'm supposed to get more thoroughly tested and find something they didn't find the first time.
Now I'm just being silly. Right? I can't go through my whole life questioning every move and its impact on my future. Technically my entire future-past disappeared the second I woke up. Right? I wish I knew why I was here or at least whether I was supposed to change anything or not. Or if I'm supposed to go global with my change or stick to my own life.
Ask and ye shall receive.
My pants on the table signal a new text message. I hop up and start towards my pants when it hits me: that's my iPhone. My iPhone that hasn't been invented yet. *pinch* Still here. I turn around, use my voice, manipulate random objects within my reach; it all seems real. I sift through my blood-stained clothes and grab my phone.
How.The.Fuck?
The text is from Miriam. Future Miriam? This discovery has completely, 100%, fucked my whole world up. And seeing as how I just woke up10yrs in the past, fucking my whole world up after that discovery takes a shitload of talent. But in the last 10mins there were really only two plausible explanations for my trip back in time: 1) I never lived all that and it was just a vivid dream from the accident. Maybe it's not even Jan 14, 2001. Maybe I've been in a coma. 2) Time has been erased, everyone's gone back but not everyone knows. Or maybe they do? I'll have to leave the hospital to find out. Unfortunately, neither of these explanations left room for the possibility that I traveled with a technological companion. WTF is this? Quantum Leap? At keast this tells me my visit was orchestrated but what the fuck happens if someone sees this?! #1 priority, never let anyone find this.
Suddenly I feel hunted. Like at any moment a pack of beagles will come charging down the hallway and into my room cornering me until their well-dressed, mounted masters trot in to serve me my sentence.
But for what offense?
And for the love of god, who is my phone plan through? Do I pay a bill? WTF? Why am I thinking about my phone bill when the phone has 9yrs before it gets fucking INVENTED. Also, I'm back in FUCKING TIME; there are bigger fish to fry than my cell phone bill. Yet some part of me is actually concerned about logistics as if worrying about the existence of my unlimited data package is going to help me figure out why I'm here. If the 2011 I knew still exists, am I there? Am I getting the same calls? If I call someone do I call 2011 or 2001? I have to sit down. I haven't even looked at what Miriam's text says. It would probably help me answer some of those questions but I'm not sure I'm ready to look.
Then it happens.
Jared comes hopping in the doorway, just as I remember he used to do. From what he's saying it seems as though it's just the same as last time - no coma. It's just Jan 14, 2011. I want to vomit. The butterflies are too much. Jared didn't ask me any questions but every move I make both asks and answers all at once but I don't know what the question is or if I answered correctly. I begin to pass out but shake myself out of it. The last thing I need is more attention.
If I'm going to make it, I need to learn to keep it together. The first time I went through this the accident barely phased me. Sure, my head is swollen to the size of a watermelon and in 2 days my eyes will be swollen shut but it wasn't a big deal because I was alive. Now I have no idea what I am.
Fuck...Am I alive?
Jared is talking to me but I can't for the life..or whatever...of me stand looking at him. The idea that I might not actually be alive is sounding plausible. Did I really just say that? Technically I've been returned to the most carefree point in my life. In 2 days I become an EarthLink employee and will be for another 3 gloriously odd years. Is this my heaven? Really? Nah. Right? Couldn't be. Could it? I need to find some sort of way to organize my thoughts. First, stop thinking.
And then I wake up. No wonder I felt off all damn day.
It unfortunately left me with a million questions I didn't even need to answer. My past is solid and I'm happy with where I am so that should be that...right? But perhaps looking at this scenario might help me better understand my future. I might just try to continue the story.
Monday, December 27, 2010
I See You
I see you when you invite me into your dreams; a playland where we toy with the idea of us. I see you in the memories of smiles we met and laughter we wooed into coming home with us like an innocent ménage à trois. But when my eyes open, I do not see you. When my eyes skim the length of my arm I do not see your hand at the end, holding mine. So why is it that I can still hear you breathing? Why can I see sense your presence, just outside my reach? Are you lingering because you choose to or because I wish you to choose to?
.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Bitter Cold
I passed the scrolling marquee on the circle for one of the TV stations and it was reporting "BITTER COLD" today. You know what, TV station? I don't appreciate you labeling it "bitter". "Bitter cold" is subjective so it means something different to everyone. Maybe it's 30°F to a Californian, maybe it's -30°F to a Minnesotan; who knows! It's BITTER!
Just give us the facts and we'll take care of the interpretation. Tell me it's 7°F and I'll make my own decisions about how I feel about that number and its affect on my appendages. Maybe I don't want you influencing how I feel about the temperature. Maybe if you hadn't said "bitter cold" I might think "Shit, it's cold but it's not too cold, I guess". But now I have it in my head that it's bitter. MAYBE I FEEL COLDER NOW! See what you've done? You've actually made it colder. Good job, asshole.
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